Despite all the intoxication, I knew what they wanted. I knew no matter how many jugs of beer I get, they won’t wipe away what sits clearly in their minds. If anything it only exacerbates, letting them whisper to each other little truths that they do not dwell on most of the time. Or so I hope.
In a way it just pains me to know it all, but choose not to do anything about it. Like denying them of something that is not available every so often, if ever. I do not actually enjoy denying people of things they want. Yet it is something I have to do, for their sake, and my own.
What they want, and what I want, may well be intertwined, alike. But I can’t. I don’t need to complicate things further than it already is, or can be. Or maybe I can. Just to keep a running tally of all the little things I do in life, that keep it routine, and see how many I break. How many I push away to find new ways of living.
Much as jumping headfirst into something new can be invigorating and painful, the more thought I put into it the more I back away. I need to stop thinking. What good is attempting to live a new life if all I ever do is crawl back to the safety of routine?
I want to see the world differently. I want to see the world without a safety net.
Simple & Clean 