Exacerbate, invigorate, pain.

Despite all the intoxication, I knew what they wanted. I knew no matter how many jugs of beer I get, they won’t wipe away what sits clearly in their minds. If anything it only exacerbates, letting them whisper to each other little truths that they do not dwell on most of the time. Or so I hope.

In a way it just pains me to know it all, but choose not to do anything about it. Like denying them of something that is not available every so often, if ever. I do not actually enjoy denying people of things they want. Yet it is something I have to do, for their sake, and my own.

What they want, and what I want, may well be intertwined, alike. But I can’t. I don’t need to complicate things further than it already is, or can be. Or maybe I can. Just to keep a running tally of all the little things I do in life, that keep it routine, and see how many I break. How many I push away to find new ways of living.

Much as jumping headfirst into something new can be invigorating and painful, the more thought I put into it the more I back away. I need to stop thinking. What good is attempting to live a new life if all I ever do is crawl back to the safety of routine?

I want to see the world differently. I want to see the world without a safety net.

The weekend

No picture I took captured the feeling I experienced this weekend.

The fantastic hosts, the fun nights. The good food, the great drinks.

The outrageous pizza.

The copious amounts of alcohol.

The only thing this will do is raise the bar with regards to how I will host others who come here.

And so I thank them for their time and patience. Really.