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Category Archives: true stories

Someone was missing out. Or something. There was so much liquor I can’t even think straight. Thankfully the world isn’t spinning but I’m fairly sure for Aaron the world is spinning the hell out. Hoping to hell that tomorrow won’t be so bad. Like, get a hold of ourselves and not drink ourselves to silliness. Or something. Always fun to watch Aaron get fucked up. Amusing stuff. I know it sounded amusing over the phone. I think. Here’s to tomorrow in an attempt to fuck him over while I stay sober.

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Managed to perforate my ear drum. Am I fine? I guess I will be. As long as I don’t wet my ear, vibrate, or fly.

That means I can’t swim, can’t stick a vibrator in my ear or climb mountains.

But yeah, popped into the hospital to get my ear looked into by a doctor who looked displeased with me just being around him. Must have something to do with my being in the emergency ward for what he might consider a non emergency, but to me anything to do with me and my health I consider an emergency. Doesn’t make me a hypochondriac, but yeah, MOVE ASIDE KID WITH AIDS, MY PROBLEM IS BIGGER THAN YOURS.

It’s funny how the hospital took my details, because I was asked the same questions three times. This redundancy might be in effect for several reasons. Perhaps they wanted to make sure they had the right person. Double check the factsheet and all that. Perhaps they wanted to be a little more thorough in their questions, and hoping my story stays consistent. Or perhaps they don’t read each others notes and have to ask the same patient the same set of questions. Every. Damn. Time.

Whatever the case, I told what my problem is to two different nurses, the first one let me into the ward. The second one told me a doctor will come in. The third time I was asked what my problem was by the doctor himself.

Except I didn’t know he was my doctor because I was looking out the room I was in and he saw me and walked over without introducing himself and just asked what am I in here for.

So there he is asking me what am I in here for and here I am thinking this fellow is some busybody doctor that saw me being unattended and was curious what I’m in for. So I told him I’m waiting for a doctor. Then he says he’s a doctor. To which I said, well, I’m waiting for the doctor who should’ve already READ MY FILE. Then this wiseguy had to say he’s the doctor who’s seeing me now what is my problem.

So fair enough, I tell him what I’m in for (only the 3rd time I gotta repeat the story anyway) and then he looks in my ear. FINALLY SOME FUCKING PROGRESS. Like all sensible people, he looks in my good ear first, then my bad one. I’d cry myself to sleep if this fellow went straight to my bad ear.

End result was I got my antibiotics, my advise, and a general idea of where the perforation is (thankfully nowhere that could lead to permanent hearing loss).

How, did I get it in the first place? You ever hear people telling you NOT to stick things in your ear and tell yourself “naaah I wouldn’t be that dumb to do that”?

Thats what I told myself but did anyway when I had this peculiar feeling in my ear after applying some ear cleaner. Long story short, I fucked myself in the ear when I could’ve totally avoided this by NOT messing with it. The lesson here is really what everyone’s been telling you from the start.

Do NOT stick things in your ear.

I cooked dinner. It’s a little special this time, and I have absolutely NO intention of repeating this feat of excess ANYTIME SOON.

Chicken Cordon Bleu, Inside out Chicken Cordon Bleu, leftover bacon, and an omelette

Chicken Cordon Bleu, Inside out Chicken Cordon Bleu, leftover bacon, and an omelette

I present to you, my dinner plate. Just chockful of shit, more notably, one Chicken Cordon Bleu which turned out fairly nicely despite it’s untoward appearance since I was poking and prodding the thing to make sure it was cooked; two inside out Chicken Cordon Bleus, because I actually ran out of chicken breasts big enough to contain the ham bacon and cheese on the inside, I thought why not put them on the outside. I also had some leftover bacon but I had no bright ideas on that and just fried them as is. Always a good plan. Finally, theres the omelette of veg and cheese. Originally I planned on doing just the veg all boiled, but in a last minute dash of not having anything better to do, I decided why not make an omelette out of it. Why the fuck not indeed ay?

So there it is. Two hours of my life, spent cooking for myself. I can assure you, while the food looks like shit, it tastes great, and it’s totally not worth the fucking time if you’re cooking for yourself. Cooking for other people though, it becomes something other people appreciate and thus, worth the fucking time. As it is, I’m not gonna repeat this shit for myself. I’d rather just cook something in 5 minutes than 2 fucking hours.

The gist of why I have rarely if ever post anything while I’m back home, in list form; Read More »

The house I live in now has central heating with vents coming out the ceiling. That’s all fine and dandy, it keeps me warm if I stay close to the duct. The last house I lived in though, was much better. The vents were on the floor. Aside from the fact that hot air rises, them being mounted on the floor proved very useful for a trick I used to do.

On absolutely fucking cold days, my pants would be cold too. Like cold I wouldn’t want to stick my leg down my pants leg cold. So I’d just dangle the pants over the vent and let the hot air blow through the pants legs. Instant warm pants. Then I’d jut stand over vent and let the warm air rises up the pants legs into my crotch.

Awesome warm stuff. Now? I gotta use my hair dryer.

The plus side of being awake two hours before my class actually starts is that there are heaps to watch on the telly, be it the breakfast shows or the kids shows.
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You want to know what mind-numbing is?

Try blogging on the Wii without a USB keyboard. It’s like typing an essay with a light gun. Feasible, but totally not worth the effort other than showing how bored one is.

I hope the laptop gets fixed soon.

Lots of shit went down. I can’t be arsed to give a full chronological rundown of what went down; I do expect that along the way I will fully explain what went on and in all likeliness, unintentionally do it chronologically.

*(This post has neither pictures nor video)

The gist of it is that Raimi and Gan popped into town, and we did what we could to show them a good time in Melbourne. Read More »

Lots of shit went down. I can’t be arsed to give a full chronological rundown of what went down; I do expect that along the way I will fully explain what went on and in all likeliness, unintentionally do it chronologically.

*(This post has pictures)

The gist of it is that Raimi and Gan popped into town, and we did what we could to show them a good time in Melbourne. Read More »

Lots of shit went down. I can’t be arsed to give a full chronological rundown of what went down; I do expect that along the way I will fully explain what went on and in all likeliness, unintentionally do it chronologically.

*(This post has a video)

The gist of it is that Raimi and Gan popped into town, and we did what we could to show them a good time in Melbourne. Read More »