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Category Archives: thoughts

I’ve got plenty of excuses for why I hardly ever write here anymore, mostly to do with thee fact that it’s so much easier not writing thee longest most thought out posts on the world, instead just saying how I feel in 180 characters our less.

Yet here I am, not doing this over twitter, instead opting to bring this back from the grave.I’m probably going to regret this. Especially looking at all the posts that I stated, but never finished. Hush. I’ll probably find a better way to do this. For now though, it’s just you, me, and my words.

Let me ramble thanks.

Despite all the intoxication, I knew what they wanted. I knew no matter how many jugs of beer I get, they won’t wipe away what sits clearly in their minds. If anything it only exacerbates, letting them whisper to each other little truths that they do not dwell on most of the time. Or so I hope.

In a way it just pains me to know it all, but choose not to do anything about it. Like denying them of something that is not available every so often, if ever. I do not actually enjoy denying people of things they want. Yet it is something I have to do, for their sake, and my own.

What they want, and what I want, may well be intertwined, alike. But I can’t. I don’t need to complicate things further than it already is, or can be. Or maybe I can. Just to keep a running tally of all the little things I do in life, that keep it routine, and see how many I break. How many I push away to find new ways of living.

Much as jumping headfirst into something new can be invigorating and painful, the more thought I put into it the more I back away. I need to stop thinking. What good is attempting to live a new life if all I ever do is crawl back to the safety of routine?

I want to see the world differently. I want to see the world without a safety net.

I’d like to start over. Everything.

But at the same time, I’ve already fallen down this rabbit hole, why not see just how deep it goes.

Plans can and do come out a wee bit premature. Who knew that renting a chalet on Manukan would cost RM770 at the bare minimum. Bugger that mate, next stop, wherever.

Managed to find someone willing to take us to Mengalum for RM380 with 2 dives sans lunch (or RM450 with 2 dives and lunch). Conveniently forgot to ask the other operator offering 2 dives for RM420 whether lunch is involved in that. As it is though, it is beginning to look more and more unlikely we’ll get this done since we need a minimum of 4 fuckers on this, and whilst me and Gan are good, Sanjit only comes back on the 24th/25th with no guarantee of getting his diving license in time and Raimi with no guarantee he’s not working. Fantastic.

I really just have this urge to let Gan handle planning from now on. What was clearly an ambitious project needs to be scaled down a bit and since I won’t be around in the lead up to the days to dive, someone else needs to plan it.

Plan isn’t crumbling yet, but it certainly isn’t as grandiose as I formerly planned it. Craving simple shore dive without the need to pay exorbitant amount of cash to people just to hold my hand and take me places underwater.

Since I’m on a roll, I might as well explain the current plan. I’m planning on going diving with some others on the 30th of January. Thats what, the 5th day of Chinese New Year?

There should be 4 of us (any 5th or 6th person want in? Any random person that might be interested in diving with potential strangers? :P) heading off to Pulau Mengalum for two dives. Should be fun stuff, place is relatively untouched.

After that, we’ll have them drop us off on Pulau Manukan and stay there for a night. You know, chalet, barbecue, the works. Assuming we rented our own equipment and tanks and the place even has a compressor or some shit, I feel like I might be up for a shore dive there. Admittedly I have no idea what to expect there and the thought of lugging around the dive tank, and fins, isn’t exactly the most fun bit with regards to shore dives. Touch and go that. All else fails it’s a morning of frolicking on the beach.  I’m happy with that.

Should note, it is tentative, as I don’t know how much it’d cost exactly for them to drop our asses off at Manukan for the night. For the divers, it’s RM420 for the two dives. I’m assuming inclusive of gear and transport and other misc shit.  From then on it should be like even more extra once we factor in the cost of renting the chalet, park entrance fee, etc. Hence why we have the other crew who can’t dive but want to go to the island go to the island frolick and play at Manukan while we dive at Mengalum. They will help alleviate some of the costs, and hopefully bring the BBQ shit.

Then we have fun, have some eating, and hopefully it becomes an awesome trip. Like cap off my stay in town with a fucking bang. Of course, again this is all like, still planning. If I find out tomorrow that it becomes prohibitively expensive then fuck it, I just wanna dive.

In a world filled with madness we’ve thus far managed to keep our heads on our shoulders and not completely lose them to the wild.

The sky was a lovely shade of blue with nary a cloud in the sky.

But not even perfect conditions such as that will cover up a bad day from someone waking up on the wrong side of the bed.

I try not to read too deep into someone else’s writing, as it is rather unfortunate that I can’t ascertain for certain, notions or deeply hidden meanings from brief meetings with whom I am sure are fine individuals in real life.

But I ask this. One may not fully agree that ignorance is inexcusable; does that make one excused for being ignorant, or merely ignorant of the fact that this policy is black and white with no middle ground?

I’m still held accountable even if I didn’t know, so I strive to know.

There was no fan fare, no ticker tape parade, no cheering. I just walked out the hall, glad that all this is behind me.

After all that. Now I don’t know what to do with all my free time.

Maybe wait for the 3G iPhone to come out.

I find ads in general annoying. At least with regards to ads on the internet.

So thank goodness for the content blocker on Opera. Without which I would totally have died from the seizure causing flashing some of them have. Really. some people have no clue how to make ads. As much as you want it to be attention grabbing, I also would like to come out of the experience ALIVE.

But what I find particularly interesting is the targetted ads I get. I’m not entirely sure what the Google Ads pick up from my Gmail page, but clearly there must be enough on it to suggest that I’m either Malaysian, or am in Malaysia. Fair guess that I’m Malaysian since I would be resolving from an Aussie ISP. I just wonder what it read that gave me targetted ads to “Belajar Bahasa Inggeris“. Where’s the ad for a flux capacitor damn it!?

In other news Facebook gives me targetted ads with relevance to buying stuff online, finding people to meet and other stuff with relation to being in Australia. No surprise given it has a wealth of data on me by now. Moving on…

Friendster has gaudy flashing ads which I’ve happily blocked, and am happily not planning on going back in there for at least another few more years. I guess the question for the people still on Friendster is why the hell aren’t you on Facebook instead!?