Fuck it, I just wanna dive.

Plans can and do come out a wee bit premature. Who knew that renting a chalet on Manukan would cost RM770 at the bare minimum. Bugger that mate, next stop, wherever.

Managed to find someone willing to take us to Mengalum for RM380 with 2 dives sans lunch (or RM450 with 2 dives and lunch). Conveniently forgot to ask the other operator offering 2 dives for RM420 whether lunch is involved in that. As it is though, it is beginning to look more and more unlikely we’ll get this done since we need a minimum of 4 fuckers on this, and whilst me and Gan are good, Sanjit only comes back on the 24th/25th with no guarantee of getting his diving license in time and Raimi with no guarantee he’s not working. Fantastic.

I really just have this urge to let Gan handle planning from now on. What was clearly an ambitious project needs to be scaled down a bit and since I won’t be around in the lead up to the days to dive, someone else needs to plan it.

Plan isn’t crumbling yet, but it certainly isn’t as grandiose as I formerly planned it. Craving simple shore dive without the need to pay exorbitant amount of cash to people just to hold my hand and take me places underwater.

Sucks the life out of us.

Thats all work ever does. Suck the life out of us.

And I hate it.

The blade.

The blade cuts
ever so coldly
the pain, is so sweet.

I could drink it all away.

I could drink it all away but really. No amount will make you disappear.

Choke.

That’s really all it came down to.

That I choked.

Of course, speeches seem to go so much better in showers or enclosed rooms. When it counts though, things are just so much likelier to go pear shaped.

Difficult.

It’s difficult being alone.

Missing out.

The dive club heads out to Flinders Pier on the 19th. I’d love to go, as they are saying there will be Weedy Sea Dragons to check out. Fuck I’d really love to go. A leisurely dive between 4 to 6 meters, a BBQ and then a pub. Sounds grand.

Seriously why am I giving this a miss. I’d love to fill my divelog a bit more. I definitely want to check out those Sea Dragons.

But I’ve had enough of paying for diving lately. And I bet the water is fucking cold.

But fuck, me not going is probably one of those decisions I’ll end up regretting for a long time.

Mea culpa.

Things were said, which is regrettable.

That is to say, it was rather unfortunate that it was a situation where if it 
were in real life, it would’ve come to blows.

But yeah, it was a silly, silly event and I admit that I made the mistake this time. Mea culpa.

I do hope you get over what was said, and we not be misconstrued again.

Unforseen.

Thats what missing the last airtrain by 5 minutes is.

Thats what ending up on another train which is due for trackworks is.

Thats what ending up in the airport 17 minutes late is.

Another reason for me to hate travel.

Mixed feelings.

You ever had that feeling where you wanted something so bad, you were willing to do anything for it and when you finally do have it, you’ve lost interest?

Because thats exactly how I feel right now.